January 15, 2019

How to DATE as a single parent

This short story is taken from my self-published dating book... I've decided to add parts of the book to my blog so that you'll get to enjoy reading all my fun stories!

“As a single parent who is dating, make your child your priority. Make this known to the person you are dating.”

Here is a secret: while in the draft stages of this book I almost didn’t include this section in it. Not because I didn’t find it necessary, but because I really had a hard time with it. If you read my book up to this point, then you know that I was a single mom of two out in the Crazy World of Dating. However, if you are a single parent, I didn’t want you to feel left out either because let’s face it: We all deserve love! We all deserve to find that special someone.

It’s time to get a little personal, you are recently divorced, and you probably feel like a failure. I know you do! You are probably blaming yourself for your failed marriage but let me get this through your head: Don’t blame yourself! I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Sure, in a perfect world you would still be married, and your kids would all live with their parents under one roof. But, we all make mistakes… I would rather you leave your loveless marriage/relationship and not just stay with that person because It’s convenient. I promise you… Even if it doesn’t seem like it right now, you will find that special someone and your family will be complete once again!

When I was out in the dating world one of my biggest pet peeves was when guys would hit me up just for a quick “hookup” because they felt like I needed it. They would say things like oh, you’re a single mom, let me take care of you! Hmm no! Please don’t!

Here is the thing, if you are a recently single parent, I’m not going to judge you. GO LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE! Go have casual sex, get drinks on a school night, go dancing, make out with someone younger than you… The possibilities are endless here! It’s all about getting out of your comfort zone. Just don’t settle for the first person you meet online. Here is what you need to remember: ALWAYS wear condoms.

“Dating a woman with kids doesn’t mean you’ll be playing daddy… It just means you’ll be becoming a part of a family and a role model for a child. If you aren’t ready to step up, then simply don’t step to her.” Unknown

One of the most frustrating misconceptions out there is that if you date someone with kids you are now going to be taking over the role of a “daddy/mommy” which can turn off a lot of potential partners.

To be quite honest with you, I was initially afraid of dating guys that didn’t have kids. I felt like they just wouldn’t understand my lifestyle. My kids will always be my number one priority and I was afraid that some of those guys just wouldn’t understand that. Eventually, I just let go of that fear and dated guys from all walks of life. I was surprised at how much fun I had!

Another great thing about being a single parent in the Dating World is that you can easily weed out the bullshit. You can easily find out if the person is truly into you are just hoping for a one-night-stand. If you are lucky to get into a relationship with someone you met online just remember this: Don’t settle for less than you’re worth! Even if that person might seem like the only choice.

What’s their priority like? Would they rather spend their time at the gym, hanging out with friends, and just spend time with you alone? Then this person might not be the right person for you. Remember, you are not looking for someone to replace the kids “daddy/mommy” but you are looking for someone that enjoys spending time with your kids. They make spending time as a family the priority. Everything else comes second.

Now here is the thing, this chapter gives me anxiety just thinking about all the shit I had to go through to meet someone that was somewhat okay with my kids. Because if I’m being 100% honest with you, most guys AREN’T initially okay with hanging out with kids that you had with some other dude (catch what I’m saying here?). I remember how many times I got played by guys saying that they were totally into kids and were ready for that step when in all honesty they were just a bunch of Peter Pans that weren’t interested in growing up.

I think that that is one of the biggest complaints I have about being a single parent in the dating world. If you are lucky to meet someone with kids, then they obviously understand your situation a little bit more. They know that you will stop everything that you are doing to rescue your child. Even if it means putting them second. Unfortunately, for a lot of guys that have yet to experience marriage/kids the whole damn thing. It might be a little bit hard to break them.

Stay with me on this one, your goal here is not having this new partner replace your ex and you become this perfect little family. It’s the opposite. You just want that person to WANT TO spend time with your little ones. To think of fun things that can be done as a family and not isolate themselves every chance they get. DON’T EVER FORCE IT! Just don’t do it. If you’re significant other is not there yet it is honestly up to you and how long you can take this. Are you willing to be patient and see if the puzzle pieces slowly start to match, or will you give up because they just don’t seem to understand what dating someone with kids is about?

Just keep being you and DON’T (big emphasis on don’t) rush into anything!

When it comes to your dating profile there are a few things you need to include as a single parent:

•       How many kids you have. You can mention their ages if you feel comfortable with that.

•       Indicate whether you are Divorced, Separated, or complicated (please explain this)

•       Pictures of you and your kids, but only if you are comfortable with this

•       What your hopes from this dating app are. Are you looking for a relationship? Casual dating?

•       Something unique and fun about you! For example, My kids tell me I can make a mean homemade Mac & Cheese!

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