This chapter is taken from my self-published dating book... I've decided to add parts of the book to my blog so that you'll get to enjoy reading all my fun stories! You can also read about how I found my forever love, my first kiss, and how I gave up dating for lent.
What if I told you that failing is part of the journey? What if everything that you have gone through has happened for a reason? Would you give up? Would pick up the pieces and try again? I say YES! Don’t ever give up on yourself! Don’t give up on your journey!
BEFORE I LOVE SOMEONE ELSE, GOT TO LOVE MYSELF.
How are you supposed to let someone into your life without fully loving yourself first? This is easier said than done. I struggled with what some call “closet depression” what this means is that you are going through all those depression symptoms, but you are very embarrassed and ashamed of letting others know. I didn’t take any pills that my doctors wanted me to take. I didn’t feel comfortable doing so. Instead, I opted for something more natural such as getting high on endorphins. Every time I would walk through that Gold’s Gym I would feel better and better.
I loved the person I was becoming. At 26 I was finally figuring out my identity. It wasn’t until 2016 when I decided to take the trip of a lifetime with my sister to Peru & Brazil. I learned a lot about myself then. I experienced the culture and saw things that made me cry, smile and ponder on. This trip was just what I needed. I’m not sure if it was when I reached the top of Machu Picchu and finally got see one of the 7 wonders of the World that I realized just how lucky I was to be alive and well or the fact that I was I FREE! I was letting go of all that built-up resentment and anger.
PERU TRIP with my sister and college friends - 2016
That’s when I truly fell in love. I fell deep and unconditionally in love with myself! I can’t believe that it took me going to a different country to finally realize what I should have known all along: I am enough! I’m more than enough. And guess what? So are you! In this chapter, I will go over a few things to help you get to the point when you are truly in love with yourself. You know why we are doing this? Because if you aren’t 100% mentally and emotionally then you should not be dating anyone. Don’t bring someone into your life when you are not at your best. Here is the thing, this is a somewhat easy fix. Just stick with me and I promise you that it will all work out!
A few years back I was right where you might be now. Heartbroken, empty inside, numb, depressed. Whatever symptoms you are currently feeling, I can assure you I felt it! How do I go from being in such a sad human to one that is unconditionally head over heels in love?
“The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.” You see, I had it all: Nice House with a picket white fence, Matching Cars, Perfect Family, Vacations, Money, Perfect Facebook Pictures, and so on… But you guessed: I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t in love. I HATED myself as a person.
It wasn’t until I decided to embark on a life-changing journey that I realized all those things I thought I needed in life to be happy were just “things” and that’s when I truly let myself go and decided to trust the process.
The journey isn’t easy. Your mind is going to go through a rollercoaster of emotions. That’s okay! after all, we are all humans beings!
(Insert pic here)
“Love yourself first, because that’s who you’ll spend the rest of your life with”
5 simple things that you should do daily:
• Give yourself daily compliments!
• Find something that you are passionate about!
• Write your thoughts down!
• Go out of your comfort zone!
• Think Happy & Positive Thoughts!
Want to know where I get the best example of someone that truly loves themselves? From my Mom! She is amazing I tell you. She doesn’t look a day over 40 and she has such a great attitude towards life. This lady has worked so hard and showed me hands-on that if you want something you have to work to get it. I think that she is really one of the key reasons why I’m so happy and in love. Like I mentioned before, I did struggle with depression. And guess who’s the first person to realize that I wasn’t happy? My mom! She was the one that encouraged me to go on that Peru trip, she knew that it was time for me to change. Life needed to get back to normal. Why are moms always right?
Here is the thing, no matter what life throws at you, it’s how you react and resolve the situation that makes or breaks you. If you go into a situation with a positive attitude, no matter how crappy the situation I can guarantee you that you are going to be just fine.
Make your well-being your priority in life! Don’t just “make it through things” make sure to live your life to the fullest. I’m not saying to go spend all your money and in a few months be broke, sad, and alone. I’m saying that there is beauty all around. Starting with your passion! Have you decided what that is yet?
Give yourself daily compliments:
What’s the best way to give yourself daily compliments if not for Mirror Messages? I want you to try this for a week straight. I want you to look up feel-good quotes. Things that motivate you and light that fire. You will then write them on a post-it note. Place it in your mirror. Place it somewhere that it is easy to see every morning. When you wake up I want you to look at your messages. Read them out loud! Read them repeatedly if you must. Lastly, I want you to look at yourself in that mirror and smile big. You are now ready to conquer the World! When I was a young girl my mother used to recite this poem to me: “I’m happy, I’m healthy, and I’m delighted!” If I had a hard time at school, at work, or the life I would just stop and say these words 3 times! Later, in life, I decided to add: “I’m in love” to this Poem because it fits. I’ve always been known as the happy upbeat girl (even if the world around me is crumbling down). I thank my mom often for all her wisdom. She made me appreciate the little things in life and not worry so much about everything else.
So here are my top 10 mirror messages to get you started:
• “I’m Happy. I’m Healthy. I’m delighted, and I’m in Love.” ~Cassia Bergesen
• “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” ~Unknown
• “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” ~George Eliot
• “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” ~Lao Tzu
• “You must be the change you wish to see in the World.” ~Gandhi
• “There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way.” ~Christopher Morley
• “Make Each day your MASTERPIECE.” ~John Wooden
• “Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.” Charles Kettering
• “Don’t count the days, make the days count.” ~Muhammad Ali
• “Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.” ~Napoleon Hill
To go along with giving yourself compliments, I would like to point out that this has always been hard for me to do. I did eventually come to terms that the scale was just a number and that I look beautiful with/without makeup and crazy hair days just the way I am. I learned how to embrace me and love every scar, wrinkle, lines. Now, I want you to Embrace YOU!
Find something that you are passionate about!
To me, this was a no brainer. Fitness has always been my passion. I grew up playing all sports and dancing. The gym is and will always be my happy place. I encourage you to sit down and write a few things down on a piece of paper. Do you like to write? Do like to sing? Do you like to cook? How about crafts? Do you like to collect old things? Grab a pen and paper and number it 1 to 5, then write down things that interest you right this second. You should now have five solid things that you are passionate about! My list of passions isn’t just the gym. I mean, I’m an author. I love to write. That gives me life! It all started in 4th grade when my mother gifted me my first journal. A few years later and countless journals, 5 different blogs you would think that my passion would have stopped, but Guess what? I’m just as passionate as I was back then! Once a writer, always a writer. After all, here I am writing my little heart out and pouring every inch of the soul into this book.
PS: Did you pick Fitness? Do me a favor and type on YouTube “Arnold Schwarzenegger Motivation” watch it over and over for extra motivation. You’re welcome!
Write your thoughts down! Yes, I know at this point I have mentioned over and over that you should write things down. Here is the thing, I want you to go out of your way to do this. There are a couple of ways you can go about this:
• Purchase a Journal & A nice pen
• Use the “Notes” section in your smartphones
• Start a Blog
• Start an Instagram account and every time you post a picture, you write down your thoughts.
• Take the time out of your busy day and schedule “a writing time” I’m serious. Make this a priority.
• Write down the good, the bad, and the ugly.
• Don’t feel like writing? Record voice memos on your phone
It honestly doesn’t matter how you do this, but what matters is that you take the time to do this. Think of this as your “zen” part of your day. I promise you that by doing so are about to get motivated and refreshed for the following day.
Go out of your comfort zone!
I remember going on a date with this guy once where we met at a local park on a Sunday. It was full of people. He brought over his longboards with him and even though it had been years since I’ve stepped on board (quite honestly, I was afraid of falling face-first) I still got on it and did pretty good. Plus, I had a cute guy to “catch me” If I fell. You might feel uncomfortable when you try something new. But that’s the point of it right? You feel this adrenaline rush and when it is over you want to try it again!
Create a list of things you’ve always wanted to but have either been too busy or too chicken to do. Once you have this list, I want you to put it somewhere that you can see it often, so you don’t forget about it!
Guys: Plan a fun date that is not something that she would be doing every day. Think of scavenger hunts. A beautiful hike with a picnic at the top. Act like tourists in your own city. Poetry slam. Hot Yoga!
Girls: Don’t let the guys do all the planning! Get thinking, how about something that you have been wanting to do for a while but didn’t have someone to do it with? Fishing. Karaoke. Rock Concert. A cooking Class.
Honestly, the list of ideas could go on and on, but I will be more in-depth on “Date Nights” in a couple of chapters.
Think Happy & Positive Thoughts!
You are what you attract, so if you are always sad and want everyone to feel bad for you and the life you live. Do you think a person is going to be attracted to you? I don’t think so! I’m not telling you to become to most bubbly person ever. I’m just saying that certain things shouldn’t be shouted from the rooftops.
If you think about it, starting your day with negative thoughts will just lead you to a disaster of a day. Nothing will go as planned and you will become sadder and depressed as the day goes on. Now, imagine this: You start your day with positive affirmations and happy thoughts. I guarantee you that there is a huge difference between the two.
I honestly think that this one should be self-explanatory. If you have completed all the previous steps, this is just a piece of cake! Once again, you’ve got this!
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